Vibes

My best friend says its like reaching a nirvana when it comes to friendship..My another sweet friend seems to be pleasantly surprised…well these are a few examples of the reactions, when I had told them what I had experienced!

I have often been labeled as an emotionless person, cold hearted, one who ‘thinks’ but does not ‘feel’ etc etc.. Sometimes actions is all that you would be judged upon in your life and often people fail to notice the real reason behind those actions. This post is not intended to talk about actions and reactions, but would like to highlight something that goes beyond action and reactions, the thing that people feel deep within themselves not only about themselves but also about the ones you care about, for that someone who has a special place in thy heart.

There are people who can read your face and get a sense of what you are feeling. But in today’s age when most of the conversations happen on the cool chatting tools, you need not worry about who is reading your face, a simple smiley post is good enough to showcase you are happy, when deep within you are not..you could revert to technology to fake your feelings, but there ain’t any technology available that prevents you from spreading your feelings to the outside world at a meta physical level..

There have been few occasions when I have experienced this for 2 of my close friends and both the times my subconscious was right… Here are few lines dedicated for those 2 lovely friend of mine:

You may not meet me

You may not talk with me

You may not write to me

For reasons of your own, you might even ignore me

For you think you can hide it

And you think you can fake it

But that my friend is a mistake

 

You may say you are happy

You may say you are merry

And insist there is no reason to worry

But I can’t help but sense something is murky

It may not be overt to me

But I must say, things are neither concealed to me

 

You may have some pain

You may not feel at ease

And time would seem to have seized

But that’s not the end of the road

My dear friend, I must say

 

I must say, I can sense your pain

I can sense your distress

Don’t feel alone in this phase

Needless to say, we can find some way

As we traverse this phase of darkness together

In search of the light

To celebrate a new and wonderful day

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Thoughts……

Every morning when I rise

Watching the blazing sun rise

With a mug of coffee in my hand

Watching the chirping birds in the woods

Listening to the swaying leaves

That seem to be moving with the rhythm of the wind

I take some time to follow my thoughts

 

As I sip into my coffee

And watch the people into their chores

Some rushing, Some easing, and some indifferent

Similar are the thoughts in my mind

Moving around into different directions

Bringing back memories some good and some ugly

 

Sitting back on my couch

As I was about to finish my last sip

Few thoughts wriggle out of my mind

 

A thought that wants to deplore

Deplore the actions from my past

Censure the decisions from my past

Bury the guilt within my heart

Rebuild the relations that I broke

Reopen the chest of emotions

That I long back had closed

 

A thought that wants to explore

Explore things that I once ignored

A thought of getting lost in the woods

A thought of flying out from the cage

A thought that wants to explore

The me unknown to me……

Little drops of rain….

Little drops of rain

Come falling down on my face

As I watch up to the sky

A sky which till a while back

Was shining bright and blue

Has turned dark, akin to my heart

The air was filling up with a fresh smell

The surrounding had started getting a new color

There is a new sound emerging

There is a new vibrancy surfacing

I feel its a new hope that is unveiling

But there was something in me that was disturbing

As I walk slowly in the rain

I see small children playing in the puddle

Men and women in a hustle bustle

Couples in a cuddle

Birds sorting their feathers which are in a ruffle

And myself in a muddle

As people watch me passing by

Thank god for the rain, I can say,

Little drops of rain falling from my face……

As Things Fall Apart (Part 8)

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6, Part 7

That night I could not sleep. As I lay on my bed and watched the ceiling fan rotating, various thoughts started rewinding in my mind. How could he betray us? Never had I seen mom & dad fight, they always seemed so friendly with each other. Or is it that I was missing something? I could not figure out. I was thinking about the good times we three had spent together…times when we used to go out to the beach licking on the snow cones and watching the sun set. Mom was always scared of water and despised mine and dads venture into the sea. She watched us from far, fingers crossed, even as me and dad had an awesome time playing with the tide.

Today the tide seem to have receded forever. Never in my 14 yrs of life had I felt neglected by him. He was always there protecting me from my mischief’s and the subsequent spell of anger from mom. What had transcribed that he had to take such a decision in his life – a decision which impacts me even today.

That evening mom had told me never to mention or ask of dad to her. He is dead for us, is what she had told me. Strange was this feeling in my life – To kill a person in your heart when your mind knew he was alive. It made me feel suffocated. It often left me paralyzed. But I had to be strong for the sake of my mom and somewhere deep within I wanted answers to the many questions creeping in my mind.

The school was to reopen in a couple of days. How am I supposed to tell Khushi about all this? What will she think about me? Will she be judgmental? Will she continue to be my friend or disown me for the deeds of my dad? Questions kept lingering in my mind endlessly on a night which uncharacteristically was unending in itself <sigh>.

To be continued…..

Moments….

Strange are the moments in life

Like a tide in the ocean

They rise and they fall

Moments of togetherness

Followed by moments of solitude

Moments of roar

Followed by moans

Moments where the feelings ride high

To moments where they are left dry

 

One cycle after another

Life brings moments that makes us smile

And life brings moments that make us cry

Moments of glory and moments of agony

Moments of joy and moments of pain

Well packaged indeed

 

With my beloved by my side

Every moment was just fine

Be it a moment where I experienced joy

Or be it the moment that made me cry

Thy presence was soothing

And I found myself cruising

In the ocean of life

 

Then came a wind of change

That swept all my faith

The castle I was building

Swept away in the ocean

The hope that I was building

Falling away like a pack of card

As I stood and saw

My beloved going with the wind

In front of me

 

The storm seems to have engulfed me

My life seemed to move into darkness

My voice seemed to be choked

My eyes refusing to see

My ears refusing to hear

I feel paralyzed

 

Days and Nights passed by

As I stand by the veranda

The storm may have gone

But my hearts still in a turmoil

As I watch a new morning emerging

Bright & Sunny

Stark opposite to the storm that just went by

I see the birds back from the wilderness

Back chirping and fighting as usual

Singing in their usual tone

Going about their routine

Like nothing had happened

 

And they make me realize

Life has to go on

With you or without you

 

Question Mark….

There are moments of despair in life

When life seems paralyzed

And the world seems all over

When hope seems shattered

Beliefs tattered and spirits fractured

When helplessness engulfs liveliness

When doubts buried deep within

Emerge out like a ghost

Starring on my face

Scaring me to death

Where am I to go

Where am I to hide

Whom am I to talk

Whom am I to depend

Question mark, Question mark, Question mark…..