Nostalgia…..

Seasons have changed, years have gone by

But there are moments that live on

And there are memories that linger on

I decided to visit this place

Where my memories of today were born

And where my moments of yesterday were buried

 

The air seems to have a fragrance

Wrapping me up with someone’s absence

The wind seems to have a purpose

Bringing back memories of my empress

And the woods seem to whisper

The untold story of our togetherness

 

As I bend down on my knees

And wipe away the blanket of leaves

I see her name engraved on the stone

As I run my fingers through each letter

I started reliving every little memory

Thinking it was all happening in that moment

Till the point I reached the last 3 words

Which spelt… Rest In Peace….

Advertisements

Hoping….

Eyes yearning for that one sight

Ears hankering for that sweet whisper

Fingers lingering to entwine

Skin longing for warmth

As I stand by the porch

Watching the twinkling night sky

Wishing for the twinkle in my dark life

 

Swamped by a feeling,

A feeling of being alone in a crowd

A feeling of being lost in the woods

Surrounded by regret and submerged by guilt

I go about my daily chores

Like a body without soul

Helpless & hapless

 

Days have gone by and seasons have changed

My wait, however still remains the same

Words waiting to be said, emotions waiting to unfold

Even as you continue to remain aloof

And every passing moment is pushing a nail

In the coffin of my hope

A hope, that there will be a day

When I could die without regret!

As Things Fall Apart (Part 8)

Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6, Part 7

That night I could not sleep. As I lay on my bed and watched the ceiling fan rotating, various thoughts started rewinding in my mind. How could he betray us? Never had I seen mom & dad fight, they always seemed so friendly with each other. Or is it that I was missing something? I could not figure out. I was thinking about the good times we three had spent together…times when we used to go out to the beach licking on the snow cones and watching the sun set. Mom was always scared of water and despised mine and dads venture into the sea. She watched us from far, fingers crossed, even as me and dad had an awesome time playing with the tide.

Today the tide seem to have receded forever. Never in my 14 yrs of life had I felt neglected by him. He was always there protecting me from my mischief’s and the subsequent spell of anger from mom. What had transcribed that he had to take such a decision in his life – a decision which impacts me even today.

That evening mom had told me never to mention or ask of dad to her. He is dead for us, is what she had told me. Strange was this feeling in my life – To kill a person in your heart when your mind knew he was alive. It made me feel suffocated. It often left me paralyzed. But I had to be strong for the sake of my mom and somewhere deep within I wanted answers to the many questions creeping in my mind.

The school was to reopen in a couple of days. How am I supposed to tell Khushi about all this? What will she think about me? Will she be judgmental? Will she continue to be my friend or disown me for the deeds of my dad? Questions kept lingering in my mind endlessly on a night which uncharacteristically was unending in itself <sigh>.

To be continued…..

A strange feeling…..

Strange is this moment in life

It wants to live more

When it realizes death is coming by

 

It wants to drain itself in the rain

To extinguish all its flame

It wants to sail the sea

Even though it feared drowning

It wants to sing a song

Even if it makes people frown

It wants to dance like an insane

Without caring to explain

 

It wants to do those things

Which it had longed for

It wants to break all rules

Which it abided like a saint

It wants to be inebriated

Even though it was a teetotaler

It wants to laugh,

When it hardly smiled

It wants to make a speech

When silence was what it had preached

It wants to show some courage

Even though coward was its surname

 

It wants to reach out to that friend

With whom it refused to speak

It wants to lie in those arms

Which once waited with open arms

It wants to hold the hand of that someone special

And say you were the one whom I loved

 

As it prepares to die,

It wishes to live any one moment

It wants to die its way

When it lived all its life

On someone else’s say

 

I miss you….

Beautiful indeed were those days

A carefree and fun filled phase

All by ourselves

With nothing else to bother

We played all day

And the world seemed faraway

 

Day nor night

Blazing sun nor pouring rain

Ever acted as a deterrent

As we ventured out everyday

Hand in hand we roamed the streets

Playing mischief with conceit

 

Cruel can be fate sometimes

Leaving you alone with no one by your side

From a moment of togetherness to aloofness

It all happened so quick

 

One morning

I was getting ready for our routine outing

I go and knock on her doors

Waiting for her to open

So that we could rush out with fervor

That morning was however different

There was an uncharacteristic gloom in the sky

With dark clouds engulfing the bright sunshine

 

The door opened

It was her mother

Your friend is in the hospital, she said

My legs started trembling

My stomach was cramping

What had transcribed by the night

I had no clue but I could sense

Something bad was about to come

 

I prayed for her return

I prayed for my sense to be wrong

For I could not sense a world without her

She returned back home, albeit dead

She was plagued is what the doctor had said

She was cursed is what the people said

I cannot describe the feeling I had then

Helplessness was engulfing me into death

Life for me was becoming a living hell

 

She was special for me

Was she only a friend to me?

Or was she something more?

It was hard for me to tell then

But as I look back at it today

I feel we shared a feeling

That got a new flame with her death

 

Time has an interesting way

Even as it flies by

It keeps the memories lingering behind

She was dead for the world but not for me

For she speaks to me every night

In my dream as I close my eyes

 

I miss you my dear friend

You were my soul mate

You would live forever

In my thoughts and in my heart

Till my last breath, till my last beat

 

I wish…

It has been years now as I return to the place that I once called home

From where I had made a run without letting anyone know

I never wanted to come back to this place, but strange is destiny

It brings me back to the place which is part of my legacy

The reception that I get is not something that I had expected

As I had left most of them dejected

There were many who had gathered to see me

With emotions of varying degrees

First to greet me were my friends

They were part of my life at every bend

Until I had decided to fend on my own

Disregarding all their suggestions & recommendations

I had stated it was over and walked away brazenly

As much as it is heartening to see them now

My heart is filled with guilt for leaving them then

Standing far by the corner

I see her, away from the crowd

Her otherwise beautiful eyes are filled with tears

Tears that I had left her with when I had walked away

I had betrayed her love then

But her love for me is the reason why she is here today

As I enter my house I see all my family

There is no smile on anybody’s face

Strange is our reunion

Filled with sorrow instead of joy

I was and am the reason for their pain

For I had left them one fine day without caring for their fate

I see my mother sitting by the couch

Surrounded by my sister and cousins

The room is filled with grief

My coming back has no relief

I lye by the door helpless and dejected

There is nothing that I can do now

As time has turned its table on me

The place is decorated

There are beautiful flowers

And there is fragrance spread by the incense stick

But little can they do to wipe the sorrow from the air

As my father gets ready to bid me goodbye

Lying on the pyre

Waiting for the final rites

I wish I had a chance to make things right

Very often in our lives we become so selfish and indifferent to the feelings of others that we tend to think ‘my way is the right way’ and disregard every other thing. We get angry with our near and dear ones and often wait for them to make the first move as our ego stands before us making us not to move. This poem tries to capture that essence. Let’s not wait for death to set things right, if you have someone with whom you are estranged, take a moment and give him or her a buzz!